My Sons

I am the father of three boys, five-year-old twins and an eight year old.  They are the pride of my life.  Everything I had done before such as playing college football or achieving a new max in bench press was washed away the moment I first saw my eldest.  It dawned on me then that I was on duty for the rest of my life. 

That’s the tricky thing about fatherhood.  You never stop being a father.  There are always some minutiae that are to be attended to by you.  There is some small piece of the puzzle you need to put into place.  Breaking up a fight, disciplining a child, fixing a broken toy are all other duties as assigned once you become a father.

The unfortunate fact is that so many of us spend our time raising children that we forget to raise men.  We see these little guys who are sometimes cute and some times not as much and that’s what we see.  We forget that like their fathers they will be faced with challenges and trials and heartbreaks that we cannot predict. 

That’s why it is so important that we, as Christian men, respond with the Truth.  Such is the advice of I Corinthians 16: 13-14, “ Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.  Let all that you do be done in love” That’s a tall order, but it’s one given to us by our Father and to our children we are to be the avatar of our Father. 

Our little men need to learn what it is to be a man from their father’s who in turn need to emulate the image of Fatherhood presented in the Bible.  We are to train them in the manner so that they don’t fall into the false manhood of the world.  The false image that values monetary gains and frivolousness over integrity and honor. 

We all want our sons to grow into Godly men, but we cannot do that without the blessing of our true Father.

Single Dad Vs. the Almighty Dollar

Single Dad vs. the Almighty Dollar

Back to school looms large in the financial mind of a single parent.  Clothes, supplies, lunches, and fees all swirl around as you plan for the upcoming year.  It can be daunting ,but it is manageable.

This year, I decided to plan and budget for quality.  The first year I went inexpensive and bought my sons’ clothing at l Wal-Mart and Payless.  They worked fine, but they also wore out by the year’s end.  This year I decided on quality over quantity.

I live in a small town forty-five minutes or so from Shreveport, Louisiana, and the Louisiana Boardwalk, which is filled with outlet stores such as Gap and The Children’s Place.  I budgeted around a hundred dollars for three outfits apiece.  For my twins, Alexander and Benji, I planned on play oriented, but sturdy clothes.  My second grader, Cash, I wanted to get fun clothing that was a bit more grown up.  Between sales at both The Children’s Place and Gap, I was able to meet my goal and paid ninety-six dollars for three pairs of shorts apiece and three shirts apiece.  This also included a digital watch for my seven year old.  Outlets are a single parent’s gold mine.  I was able to buy enough new clothing to send my bays off in style and ensure hat they would not fall apart after a few washings.

My boys were in desperate need of shoes. I learned my lesson last year when the cheaper shoes started to lose their Velcro halfway through the year.  I decided to go for a brand name because it’s cheaper to buy one nice thing once.

 I tried Shoe Carnival, but the price range of thirty dollars or less had set for myself did not yield quality shoes there.  Basically, you got the most awkward shoe.  I headed to Beall’s in found two pairs of shoes in my twins sizes for a total of fifty bucks.  They were silver and black Nikes, and the boys loved their “astronaut shoes”.

For my oldest, J.C.Penney’s provided the answer in a pair of Nikes with a similar color scheme for twenty-nine dollars.  I ended up with three high quality pairs of shoes with room to grow for less than one hundred dollars.

 I had almost completed back to school shopping for less than two hundred dollars. Not bad for a 39 year old dad.

Finally, we needed backpacks.  I eschewed a character backpack for my eldest son because they seem to be cheaper made and to fall apart before the year is over.  I got him a skater style backpack at Wal-Mart for eighteen dollars.  I found Monsters University backpacks with attached lunchboxes at Academy. Those went for fifteen dollars apiece. I also got my seven year old a lunchbox there for twelve dollars.

My boys have everything they need to start the year for less than three hundred dollars. I provided for my children at a time of uncertainty and succeeded. I feel like a champ.

Why We Sing

Why We Sing

One thing that always mystified me growing up was the act of singing in church.  I grew up a Protestant and became a lapsed Protestant despite attending a private parochial college. 

Everywhere I looked, as youth was lousy with praise groups and worship leaders.  In fact, my university offered a degree in it.   A degree in picking out hymns and leading a choir stuffed full of middle-aged hypocrites in balloon-like robes.  If God was so powerful land so infinite, why did we need to sing songs about him?  Wasn’t that just another way of patting ourselves on the back?  Wasn’t that one more way to keep us from reaching out and helping in a world that needed every bit of help it could get?

I stumbled around with this and sneered at the likes of Carman and Michael W. Smith.  I decided they were fakes who made a good living selling Christians what they had already bought.  However, in the last few years,  I have faced problems much worse than I could ever have imagined and I have been blessed beyond deserving, it has become clear, as I have fasted, studied and read the Scriptures as well as the works of Francis Chan, Rick Warren, David Platt and John Eldredge, that we sing because it is the only thing we can do sometimes. 

If you accept the fact that there is a God, you accept that God is a being worthy of praise.  I do not expect that everyone believes that.  However, if you do, then, you must realize that every morning presents itself as a new testament to the wonder of the life that we have been given and that every moment is an amazing, unique moment.

So, I learned why we sing.  I learned that now beloved hymnal “Amazing Grace” was exactly how I felt as a  broken, fragile human.  I learned that by singing it aloud that I was offering, unashamedly, unabashedly my praise to a being that I could not fathom. A being that, I fully believe, took me aside and protected me when the world collapsed, and I had no idea what would happen next.

I am weak, I am fragile, but most of all I am grateful.

That is why I sing.

Once More Into the Breach...

When you are young person with an artistic bent, you are told that you will one day achieve your dreams.  You will rise, like the cream you are, to the top.  Often times though, you find out that life and other issues rise to the top and, unless you are tenacious, You discover that you have been Willy Loman-ed. 

This is how I have felt for many years.  I had thoughts of being an actor, writer, filmmaker, but ,aside from a few pieces here and there that I have published and a strictly non-professional acting career, I haven't done much with gifts that I know I possess.  In fact, at times, I am afraid I have squandered more than a little bit of this ability.  I know I have gifts,  but I have yet to do anything substantial with them.  My stabs at blogging about film and trashy novels have stalled multiple times and this is mainly because I am convinced that the last thing the world needs is another blog about bad movies scribbled by a forty-something dude who really, really loves Buckaroo Banzai and Jack Burton.  The internet has moved past that and what more is there to say about any of that any way. 

Ultimately, this is the place where I will work on my issues with writing, performing , and life itself.  It will be angry.  It will be naked.  It will be truthful,  I have no desire to traffick in artifice any longer in my life. 


They say to sell yourself in today's marketplace you must use branding.  Your name must be identifiable. 

My brand is honesty.

Being Well Liked Isn't the Whole Ball Game

In Arthur Miller's play Death of a Salesman, the audience learns, of course, that being well liked is a fool's goal.  However, the lesson I always took from it comes in a brief scene where Willy Loman, the titular salesman, is visiting his brother-in-law Charley to borrow his salary so that he can save face with a woman with whom he doesn't have to do anything of the sort.  (Digression: Linda's devotion always breaks my heart and it is such a sweet depiction of unconditional love in a difficult play. It is never mawkish, but it can make audiences yearn for a love like Linda's.) Charley's son Bernard, who Willy has always looked down on, is there and exchanges pleasantries with his non-too-pleasant uncle and is off.  Charley tells Willy that he is going to argue a case in front of the Supreme Court.  Willy is surprised he didn't say anything about it. Charley replies that he doesn't have to because he's doing it.

There it is.  The lesson that has stuck with me for over twenty years.  The reason if you ask me about something I'm doing that I might shrug it off because I fully believe that to be a self-evident truth.  People in the action do not need to tell everyone what they are doing.  They do it.  This is why boorish sports fans turn me off so completely.  Cheer your team on.  That's healthy; however, don't seek to find your self-worth in the achievements of others.  There's really nothing there for you save inspiration.